"What are the only two animals that have a trunk?"

"The elephant and the traveler!"

Of course travelers, no longer have a trunk as a traveling companion. Instead, they are 'accompanied' by several pieces of baggage, a purse, camera and water bottles -- all of this smuggled aboard as their 'carry on.' And while both the elephant joke and the last sentence might seem to be exaggerations, they are only slightly so.

To one who spends up to half of each year abroad, sometimes as much as three months at a time, this seems absurd, as it probably does to other travel devotees. Why would you burden yourself with excess items unnecessarily? Why?

In diagnosing this ailment, hereafter declared to be Excessivimus baggagitis, the Trip Doctor has distinguished several varieties, namely primus, perpetuus and congenital. Herewith a description of each, and later the common cure, which is unfortunately too scarce:

Excess Baggage (to use the shortened form) primus is associated with the neophyte, first time traveler. For this variety there is little chance of a cure, and the traveler will usually not be aware of her or his illness. Symptoms include more luggage than can easily be carried, a medicine kit which can cure everything from hoof-and-mouth disease to patching up a wounded battalion of Special Forces troops. Treatment, if the traveler is able to hear and listen carefully, is most acceptable in this stage, and can result in a painless lifelong cure.

Excess baggage perpetuus and the closely related congenital variety are much more severe than the primus, and sadly more difficult to treat. They result in continual lugging of excess unneeded items when abroad, scowls and sneers from unafflicted travelers who often are asked to share in carrying the excess, and much discomfort as well as diminished sensory pleasure while on trip. Sadly the symptoms may last trip after trip, as the victim is often unaware that there is a simple cure.

In treating the ailment of Excess Baggage, much like an addict of any form, the first step is to admit there is a problem: denial simply postpones or makes impossible the cure. To admit one is taking too much baggage (or at least consider the possibility that one is doing so) is essential!

Once the "I am a Carry-er..." admission has been made, your humble Trip Doctor would like to offer a four part program to eliminate the above-mentioned ailment for those who would become cured.

STEP ONE: Assess realistically the destination, length and type of trip. Probably the crucial overlooked word is 'realistically.' Yes, it does rain in the desert, but realistically one is safe in leaving the raincoat behind. Likewise unseasonable clothing can be omitted: in the rare chance of Spanish snow in July, one can always buy an item.

STEP TWO: Purge a lot of useless, artificial items, and put emphasis on basic essentials. Think in terms of one or two color schemes for the trip and you can eliminate the need for taking multiple pairs of shoes for all occasions, for example. It means that you can leave behind the children's pictures: they're irreplaceable if lost, and seriously, do you like looking at other people's children? Well, other people don't like pretending to like to see yours either! Likewise leave behind gasoline credit cards, your library card (it won't work n Marrakech) and all the other valuable-but-useless-overseas material.

STEP THREE: Be prepared to not be helpless on a trip. You are allowed to purchase some items abroad; you are allowed to do some laundry. Hence, you don't need to have a clean set of underwear for each day of the trip or a new set of clothing. Wash something!

Once you have admitted to an overpacking problem and can purge your bags of excess, pretense-filled items and non-essentials and are not helpless, you are ready for advanced thinking about the ailment : Excessivimus baggagitis.

STEP FOUR: Realize you are going to purchase souvenirs and other items abroad and will need space to pack them. This means that you cannot pack every inch of space and still have room for more. Indeed, one of the most difficult things for a traveler to do is to underpack.

The typical solution is to correctly come this far in thinking about the ailment and then go to the wrong cure: a larger suitcase, or multiple cases. This merely compounds the problem, for the same premise of packing all available space will still exist and now you've added more things to carry. The correct cure: packing space!

Packing space refers to taking items which are meant to be used up or disposed of along the journey. Some travelers take old clothes on the trip and leave them behind. One very clever woman packs bottled water. It fills her suitcase, and as she drinks of it she creates space for purchases. Leaving toothpaste and film in their cardboard cases, not packing things inside shoes on the outward bound journey: there are countless small ways of 'packing space' for the victim who would truly like to be cured.

The cure is truly not difficult. Diligent effort, applied liberally before the onset of every trip, will result in a more carefree journey. In short, there is no reason to suffer the painful and embarrassing ailment of Excess baggage perpetuus.

"Go, and be well," the Trip Doctor intones. "Be light and go!"